Leaning Into What You Hate

Fifteen years ago, I had the privilege of joining the Leadership Atlanta Class of 2007. About 70 elected officials, attorneys, health care leaders, judges, not-for-profit organization executives, and other leaders spent a year studying the challenges of Metro Atlanta and attempting to develop actionable solutions.

During one of our day-long sessions, we did a small group team-building exercises where we had to select one of us to crouch down on their knees – similar to the “duck and cover” position from the 1950s air raid drills – and then the rest of the group had to lift that person up, turn them head-over-heels, and return them safely to the ground. The only requirement was that everyone on the team had to have their hands on the person being flipped the whole time.

I immediately saw where this was going. Since about half the group was women, having eight or nine men touching them during the task was a non-starter. And two of the guys looked like they could have been linebackers in college, making them poor candidates to be lifted. So, all eyes immediately turned to the 145-pound, 5’8” guy – me.

Part of me hated the thought of being the “flipee,” but rather than arguing and risk alienating my colleagues, I agreed to be the “chosen one.”

As I crouched down and felt about 15 pairs of hands grab me, I thought, “Well here they go, lifting me up. Now they’re flipping me over, and now a see the ground getting closer, and now I’m back down.” The whole thing lasted about 10 seconds and was somewhat surreal, almost as if I were happening to someone else.

There were two reasons I was able to be so calm:  

·       I knew the group chose wisely

·       I knew that short of freaking out and refusing, I couldn’t wiggle out of the situation

When I accepted the Leadership Atlanta invitation, I agreed to abide by the group’s decisions, and them selecting me was part of the deal.

This “package deal” mentality plays into what I’ve taught about decision-making for years. When it comes to important decisions, after much prayer, thorough research, and input from reliable advisors, I have no choice but to conclude that whatever decision I feel God has led me to has “become” his will. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Since he knowns about and is completely sovereign over all things, I can know that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING – both the good and the less-desirable – that flows from the decision is part of God’s will.

Lately, I’ve had to remind myself of this. As I reported a couple of months ago. God clearly led us to sell the Georgia house and move fulltime to our Wrightwood, CA house. Of that we have no doubt. But this has meant leaving a 27-year-long comfort zone and stepping into a whole new set of circumstances, most of which are great but some of which I hate.

There’s lots to love:  living near the kids, having a great set of neighbors, finding an awesome church, etc. But then there’s the other side. Our house is at the top of a steep hill on a private road that is not maintained. When it snows, the road becomes a toboggan run free-for-all. I’ve already experienced several white-knuckle descents. Additionally, both the California gas prices and taxes are crazy. But what I hate the most is not being able to regularly see my many Georgia friends. I wish we didn’t have to deal with these situations.

But guess what? We wouldn’t have to if God hadn’t led us here. But he did. So all the negatives are part of the “package deal,” and I can’t change any of it.

You shouldn’t judge the “rightness” of your decisions based on how positive or negative the subsequent circumstances turn out. Instead, you should interpret your circumstances in light of the fact that you have followed the Lord’s leading through the decision-making process.

Submitting to the Leadership Atlanta flipping exercise was the right thing to do. So was moving to Wrightwood. And just as I was able to lean into the flipping – and even to some extent enjoy it – so should I embrace our downhill ice slide and the other issues, recognizing them as part of the “package” God gave us. So instead of resenting the negatives, I can appreciate them for what they are and perhaps learn some things I didn’t even recognize I needed to learn.

How about you? If you are convinced God has you just where he wants you, are you able to accept and even celebrate the speed bumps in your path?

  

What Do You Do When Your Daughter Is in the ICU and Almost Dies?

“You’d better get over here right now. Things are very bad, and she might not make it.” I was sitting at my desk at work when my mother-in-law called from the hospital with this terrifying message. This was the scariest moment in my entire life.

Here’s the backstory.

Our sixteen-year-old daughter Stephanie was in the ICU at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta (CHOA) with a terrible condition called Stevens Johnson Syndrome (SJS). In a nutshell, SJS is a rare, extreme allergic reaction to medication where the body literally burns from the inside out. The mortality rate is about 30%, and many of those who don’t die often experience permanent damage to their soft tissue including their eyes, mouths and lungs. Many lose their sight entirely. And Stephanie had a severe case with second degree burns on 75% of her body

She had recently started a prescribed sulfa antibiotic, and after a few weeks developed flu-like symptoms, strange sores around her mouth, other serious skin eruptions, and a life-threatening fever that reached 105.7 degrees. Our local ER transferred her to CHOA where she spent 20 days in the pediatric ICU, most of the time intubated and in a drug-induced coma. During her hospitalization, she nearly died three times.

Thankfully, the medical experts were able to identify and correct the problem that prompted my mother-in-law’s horrifying call, and Stephanie survived. She eventually recovered, albeit with eye damage and other significant, lasting problems. By God’s grace, she is doing reasonably well physically, and she and her husband recently welcomed their first child into the world. (I assure you, that boy will NEVER take a sulfa medication.)

Throughout this crisis, God made his presence known in a supernatural way. One question that many asked was how we could appear to be so calm in the midst of a parent’s worst nightmare.  All we could say was that somehow God sustained us emotionally.

I distinctly remember him telling me, “It will be alright.” He did NOT say, “SHE will be alright.” The message was, “IT will be alright.” We had no assurance that Stephanie would survive or that she would not have brain damage or go blind – real possibilities. But we DID have an uncanny sense of God’s presence.

Some wondered how we could trust God in this situation. I clearly recall thinking, “Why would I turn my back on God?” I could either scream at and curse him or run to him and cling to him in unprecedented ways. By God’s grace, despite all the emotional turmoil, neither my wife Annette nor I were ever seriously tempted to turn our backs on God.

I had always heard that God provides grace at precisely the moment we need it but not necessarily in advance. Corie Ten Boom, a saintly Dutch woman from a previous generation, once wrote that when she was a child traveling by train with her family, her father would only hand over her ticket to her at the last minute, just as she was about to board the train. This helped her see God provides – not necessarily by fixing our circumstances, but by assuring us of his presence – when we need it, and seldom before.

There is no guarantee that we will always be spared from tragic circumstances, but God does promise to be with us through even the worst of times:  “I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).”

I pray you never experience a similarly traumatic episode, but if you do I urge you to tap into the grace God offers in such pivotal times of trial. Annette and I can testify that it is real.