Why Did I Treat These Two Harmonica Students So Differently?

During my graduate school years, I gave harmonica lessons both as diversion from the rigors of study and as a way to generate a bit of income. For the most part, it was a real pleasure teaching aspiring players and introducing them to various harp styles:  blues, rock, bluegrass and country.

But after teaching for a while, I had one student who absolutely did me in. Although he was a very nice person, he had zero musical talent. Even worse, he never practiced and spent about 10 minutes of each lesson apologizing for not having worked on the material and promising to do better for next week. He never did, so he stayed terrible. I never knew that 30 minutes could last so long, and I (privately) dubbed him, “The Man Who Made Time Stand Still.” In the end, realizing that challenging him was pointless, I just “tolerated” my time with him. After he drifted away, I decided to quit giving lessons altogether.

But a few years ago, two guys approached me about taking lessons. Because they had been referred by a musician friend of mine, I agreed to take them on. Both were good, but one was outstanding – the best student I ever had. He intuitively “got it,” worked hard, and made amazing progress. He also showed remarkable initiative by attempting on his own some advanced things I had demonstrated but told him we wouldn’t get to till much later.

Once I realized this guy’s natural talent and drive, I began throwing some pretty difficult material his way. Although I was always encouraging and tactful, I found myself being rather demanding, saying things like, “That was pretty good, but I know you can do better.” I kept pushing him to his limits. In reality, my toughness toward him was a compliment. I saw his commitment and innate aptitude and wanted to help maximize his abilities.

Shouldn’t this dynamic inform how I look at the hardships in my life? Several friends have suffered incredibly difficulties and challenges not of their own making. In talking with them, I see how God has used their rough circumstances to grow their faith and “call the question” about how much they truly trust him. And they’re better for it.

Last May, I wrote a blogpost called, “Is God Paying You a Compliment?” describing how I planted a dozen specimens of the same shrub in front of our house. I knew some would enjoy full sunshine while others would likely struggle in complete shade. I made sure to pick the heartiest plants for the harshest conditions.

Both the shrubs in the shade and my excellent harp student found themselves in their challenging circumstances because of their strength. I knew they could handle the stress.

The next time you face tough situations, consider whether God might be allowing them because he knows that you can take it and wants you to reach your full personal and spiritual potential. Realizing this can transform your attitude toward hardships. Remember that that there may be various reasons for challenges, and you can’t always figure out the “why” of your adversity. But I hope you see that your struggles are designed to strengthen you and enhance your faith.

Is God Paying You a Compliment?

I’m not a gardener. So many things can go wrong that when a plant is struggling, and I have no idea what the problem is. Is it getting too much sun? Not enough? Does it need fertilizer? Is the ground too sandy? Is there too much clay? Did I overwater it? Underwater it? Are there bugs?

A couple of years ago, we had some shrubs in front of the house that were on death watch, and given the complexities of plant science, we decided to just start over. The challenge was finding a single shrub variety that could thrive in conditions ranging from full sunlight to full shade. Very few are that adaptable, but we finally settled on a specific type of hawthorn that prefers sunlight but does reasonably well in shade.

Although all twelve plants were healthy, when it came to planting them, I made sure to put the very best and strongest specimens in the least favorable (that is, most shady) conditions. 

As I was planting them, it occurred to me that my placement decisions might parallel the life circumstances God allows in different people’s lives. Some seem to have it made. Everything consistently falls into place:  good health, great jobs, smooth family lives, few financial problems, etc.  Others experience just the opposite.

Chris, a friend I’ve been meeting with monthly for several years, seems to be a problem magnet. His family of origin was a total nightmare. His wife of two decades suddenly left him for another man, triggering a very expensive years-long custody fight. He experienced other issues with his adult children. And just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, he had a serious car accident that has left him with significant medical issues that threaten his ability to work.

I can only speculate about why God has allowed this tough, tough series of circumstances.  But my experience with planting the hawthorns makes me wonder if perhaps God is paying Chris a very high compliment. Just as I made sure to place the very strongest plants in the most demanding locations, could it be that God does the same and allows the most severe circumstances for those he knows can handle it the best? Remember Job and how God singled him out because of his righteousness?

This is consistent with the spirit of what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 – God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.  

I’m sure there were many times Chris was tempted to despair, but God has been faithful to sustain him in his faith. And he has not only endured but grown greatly. In fact, he is almost unrecognizable as the same man I started meeting with a few years ago. And it’s because of the adversity God has allowed in his life. Others might have crumbled but Chris hasn’t, and he serves as a powerful testimony to God’s grace.  

So, the next time you encounter a particularly rough spell, perhaps it’s God way of paying you a big compliment by recognizing the inner strength he has built into your life.  

NOTE: This post is an updated version of my post from May 17, 2018.