Why It’s a Bad Idea to Second-Guess Your Decisions Demystifying Decision-Making – Part 2

Last time, I recommended a decision-making process that involves:

• Committing the decision to God through prayer

• Looking to Scripture to make sure the particular choice conforms to God’s ethical and moral standards

• Thoroughly investigating each alternative

• Seeking insights from wise, credible, and trusted friends and colleagues

• Determining if circumstances may be pointing in a certain direction

Then I made the somewhat controversial assertion that, if you have followed this process and are truly willing to follow God’s will as you understand it, then you can move forward confidently knowing you are doing what God wants even if subsequent circumstances prove catastrophic.

(You can scroll down to my previous post for more insights into these points.)

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus makes what’s called a “lesser to greater” argument. He reminds us that no father would give his son a snake if he asked for a fish or a scorpion if he asked for an egg.  “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:31).

Can you imagine this situation? A child earnestly asks their parent for wisdom about an important decision and commits to do whatever the parent recommends, but the parent either fails to answer or intentionally misleads the child. That would never happen. So, why would you think your loving heavenly Father would do that?

Last time, I promised to offer five reasons why second-guessing decisions made according to this approach – even if things subsequently go terribly wrong – is a bad idea. Here they are:

1. Second-guessing dishonors God – It shows you don’t really trust that he acted like the good parent, and he failed to lead you down the right road.

2. You are not at the end point – Even if you face negative circumstances today, the story may not be over. Things might look grim now, but they could improve or even do a complete 180 in the future.

3. Second-guessing overlooks the “God Factor” – Even though we want important decisions to result in smooth sailing down the road, God may be using the unfortunate developments to help you grow in new ways. Your character and your ability to trust God are more important to him than your circumstances are.

4. You are probably comparing your current situation against an idealized version of the alternatives – If your college freshman roommate turns out to be nightmare, you might wish you had accepted the offer from that other school. But how do you know that things would have been any better there? Maybe your roommate there would have been even worse, or maybe you would have had some terrible professors.

5. Second-guessing is useless – You can’t unscramble an egg or un-ring a bell. Lamenting over your decision will only distract you from picking up the pieces and moving forward.

A former church where I was an elder encountered rough waters that resulted from a complicated decision, they had made a few years previously. Due to unforeseen circumstances beyond anyone’s control, they were having to regroup and consider their next step. Because the original direction was determined by consensus rather than unanimity, one of the pastors began questioning whether we should have followed the “minority report” recommendation.

I respectfully but strongly challenged that thought. About twenty godly people had prayerfully followed a lengthy process and considered every possible angle. Had we known then what we knew now, we might have gone a different way. But of course we didn’t know. I can’t believe that nearly two dozen godly people somehow missed God’s will after they did their homework and repeatedly prayed for wisdom. That would be assuming that God had given us a scorpion instead of an egg.

The next time you face unanticipated headwinds flowing from an important decision made according to the principles outlined above, do this:

• Remind yourself that you did everything right

• Seek God’s direction for the next step

• Learn any appropriate lessons for future decisions

• Above all, keep trusting God and remain confident that he will continue to lead you down the right path

Demystifying Decision-Making - Part 1

Much of the process I propose below falls in line with what others have suggested, but I am adding an element at the end that few have included. Be sure to read to the whole article.

What will happen if I take that job in New York instead of staying in Atlanta? Should we pull the trigger now and put an offer in on that new house, or should we wait till the market improves? How do I know which college is best for my daughter?

It’s monumental decisions like these that sometimes inspire sleepless nights. Of course, decisions would be a snap if we only knew the future. But we don’t.

Even Christians struggle in the decision-making process and sometimes over-spiritualize the process by seeking signs, reading too much into circumstances, or flipping their Bibles open, randomly hoping to spot a relevant verse.

For Christians, the process should include:

• Committing the decision to God through prayer – God will always honor your heart-felt decision to do his will.

• Looking to Scripture to make sure the particular choice conforms to God’s ethical and moral standards – Discovering that a company you are considering a job offer from has been convicted of financial misconduct is an obvious red flag.

• Thoroughly investigating each alternative – Do your homework to learn all you can about each option.

• Seeking insights from wise, credible, and trusted friends and colleagues – This can uncover issues you may not have considered.

• Determining if circumstances may be pointing in a certain direction – Although we should not “seek a sign,” sometimes the facts clearly align to strongly nudge you toward a particular option.

Creating a list comparing the advantages of each alternative and assigning relative importance to each factor can also be helpful. For example, if your extended family lives in Arizona, accepting that job offer in Phoenix might be a major plus, whereas the more favorable climate out there might not be so important.

So far, all this is pretty standard advice. But here is the part I have seldom heard anyone add.

If you have followed the guidelines suggested above and have thoroughly committed to go in whichever direction God leads, and if there is a firm deadline to move one way or the other, then you have no choice but to conclude that whatever decision you made is God’s will. This is true even if that decision results in catastrophe down the road.

As an example, a job offer from prospective employer is a binary decision. Either you accept it or you don’t. You can’t do both. If they have asked for your response by 9:00 a.m. Wednesday, you must commit one way or the other by the deadline.

This is how I handle this type of situation:

• Do my best to determine what I think God’s will is

• Tell the Lord right before I pick up the phone to indicate my answer which direction I believe he has led me to

• Ask him to make it abundantly clear if that is not the right decision

If he doesn’t stop me and I accept the position, from that point on I treat the decision as God’s will – no looking back.

So even if the employer fails to honor what they promised or if the company goes bankrupt a month after I start, this does not mean I made the wrong choice or that God has let me down. Even though there might be significant fallout from the new circumstances, I should not second-guess my original decision. But, of course, it’s perfectly acceptable to move on from there.

Next time, I will offer five reasons why second-guessing God’s leading is a bad idea. Stay tuned!